Sometimes it feels that life goes by so fast. We jump one hurdle, only to be faced with the next one. There is no time to celebrate our victories, for worrying about our challenges.
I tend to dwell on the negatives, let them weigh me down. I think throughout my life, I have become so focused on the struggle, that I have stopped noticing the positives. For that, I am so sorry. I want to take this opportunity to stop, and be grateful for all that you are. Because you are amazing.
You were born fighting. From the moment you entered this world, eight weeks before your due date, there was something about you. Something about you that captured the hearts of everyone around you. So tiny and perfect, so quiet, yet so alert. You were taking it all in, processing everything.
As if preparing yourself already, for how you would carve out your space in the world.
Just before your second birthday, we began to realise that your brain works a little differently to ours, that the perception you have of the world, and your place in it, is unique. And so we began a new journey together.
It’s been such a learning curve for both of us. To be honest, you have adjusted so much quicker than I have. I seem to get stuck on the ‘Why?’ and the ‘What if?’, but you, you just get up every day, and soak up life .
In just over twelve months of speech therapy, you have gone from simply repeating everything that other people say; to having conversations, making jokes, telling us that you love your family. Saying please and thank-you, bless you and pardon me. I am so proud of you. So incredibly proud, and amazed at what an intelligent little girl you are.
You have a thirst for knowledge that cannot be sated. You have transformed the phrase ‘You learn something new every day’ from a cliché to a fact.
You posses more courage than I could ever dream of. You carry around an anxiety that no three year old should ever be burdened with, there is so much that frightens you, that you don’t understand. Yet still, you laugh and giggle and play. You let me hold you, and comfort you, and kiss away your tears. You trust me when I tell you that it will all be OK.
You have such a vivid imagination, and a vibrant personality; people who have never met you, fall in love with you. You make me laugh every day, even when life is overwhelming me.
You have changed my world. One day, when you are older, I will tell you more about my life before I met your Daddy. I was very very sad, and very very lost. Your Daddy found me, and then you came along, and you loved me. You make me believe, for the first time in my life, that I am worthy of being loved. You make me want to be a better person, and every day I spend with you, I heal a little more.
Together we will keep moving forward, we will keep jumping those hurdles. And on days when it’s all too much, and we just can’t keep jumping, we will stop. I will hold your hand, and you will hold mine. We will look back, and remember how far we have already come. And tomorrow will be a new day, and we will start again.
Love always and forever, Mummy xx