New Beginnings.

What a lot has happened in the last week!

As those on my Facebook page would know, after my last update, I visited the second eye surgeon last Wednesday, and he immediately agreed to operate on my right eye. Not only did he agree, he said he could do it that Friday, in two days time!  You could not wipe the smile off my face!

With barely any time to be nervous, it was off to the Eye and Ear hospital, where they performed the vitrectomy under a local anaesthetic. That’s right, I was AWAKE! As horrifying as that sounds, I was actually pretty drugged up, and the whole thing felt like a surreal dream. The procedure only takes about 40 minutes, and afterwards I felt great, clearly enjoying the effects of my pain killers and what the anaesthetist called his “happy drugs”.

new beginnings 2

new beginnings

A week later, and I’m feeling pretty good. The surgeon is satisfied with how it is all healing up, and believes I should have my sight completely back in a few weeks. He wants to perform some more laser therapy on both eyes (urgh) but is feeling very positive about me regaining full sight again in the future. It is very much a ‘wait and see’ process, as to whether my eyes continue to grow abnormal blood vessels (which are the cause of the haemorrhages) however the future is looking much brighter than it was a few months ago (literally!).

One would think all this would have been enough excitement for me in just seven days, but it would appear that there is another ‘new beginning’ for me, and all of you; my readers, in the very near future.

Let me explain.

The day before I went in for surgery, I was made aware of another website, with the name “Hesitant Housewife”, and the almost exact same web address. This appeared to be false advertising however, as the ‘housewives’ on this site were anything but ‘hesitant’. It was a hardcore, graphic pornography site.

It’s fair to say I freaked out. Our URLs were so similar, it would be a ridiculously easy mistake to end up on the wrong page. After much panic, and discussions with other bloggers, I decided the best thing for my blog, is a total re-brand. Yep, the days/weeks are numbered for this chapter of The Hesitant Housewife. I am sad to be letting go of something that has really felt like my identity for the past three years, but at the same time, every cloud has a silver lining. My life has changed a lot since I started out, when Milla was just a wee bub, and I was journaling my life from dysfunction to domestic bliss. Maybe this is a sign that it is time for a change? A fresh name, a fresh look, maybe less ‘housewife’ and more ‘Jane’?

So, a name has been chosen, and brand spanking new domains have been purchased. I know nothing about all the ‘back end’ stuff that goes on with a transfer to a new domain, so I have a professional sorting out that side of it, and hopefully it will be good to go in the very near future. I will keep you all posted on new developments, I don’t want any of you getting lost in the move!

Onwards and upwards. Cheers!  To new beginnings.

Sand Play {Bonus Peppa Pig Giveaway}

I don’t mean to alarm anyone, but the Easter School Holidays are mere weeks away. In previous years, I’ve not really been affected. Milla was home all day, every day, 365 days of the year. However, this year is different. Milla has started Early Intervention, 3 year old kinder and we have our special needs play/support group. All of which break for the school holidays… See where I’m going with this?!

In preparation for two weeks at home, in Melbourne, where the weather is perfect one day, torrential rain the next, Milla and I have been playing with an activity which is crazy easy to put together, once you have the basics.

Sand Play.

I know right, sooo simple. Because I like to buy new things (!) I bought a fancy tray with a lid, and a toolbox to keep all the odds and ends together, but seriously, a $2 cat litter tray from the supermarket and some empty marg containers would do the exact same job. Add a bag of play sand from the local hardware shop, and you’re good to go. (make sure it is play sand as building sand is treated with different chemicals) Everything else we found around the house.

The thing I love about this activity, is that it’s so versatile. Have some toy animals? It’s a jungle!

Have some blocks, toy cars and doll house (or lego) people? It’s a city!

If the weather is nice, it can be lead into with a treasure hunt outside; feathers, rocks, gravel, shells, gumnuts. A little mini beast world (in my house with very, very fake ‘mini beasts’, but if real bugs are your thing, go for it!) or, as Milla created today, a little fairy village.

It’s an activity that is literally as limitless as your imagination.

Because my head is constantly in ‘early intervention’ mode, I also love that it can be used as a developmental tool. Playing along side Milla, I see her enjoying the sensory experience of touching the sand, both wet and dry. She runs dry sand through her fingers, so it ‘rains’ on the animals. She builds sand castles with the wet sand for the fairies to live in.

We ‘role play’ with the little people; working on language, social skills and imagination.

The other day, Milla decided to have a tea party, and made cakes and pancakes with the wet sand, and poured cups of tea with the dry sand.

You could add cups and jugs, to do pouring and measuring (early maths skills anyone?) or little toy diggers and bulldozers to make a construction site. There are probably a million other ideas that I haven’t even thought of yet! I have a feeling Pinterest will be getting a workout these holidays…

Never fear, if you are still looking for ideas to keep the little  darlings happy for the holidays, Peppa Pig would love to help…

No? You don’t want to send the kids out to jump in muddy puddles?

In that case, you may prefer to enter this giveaway instead

Peppa is a lovable, cheeky little piggy who lives with her younger brother George, Mummy Pig and Daddy Pig. Peppa loves playing games, dressing up, visiting exciting places and making new friends, but her absolutely favourite thing is jumping up and down in muddy puddles. Her adventures always end happily with loud snorts of laughter. Here’s your chance to win the ultimate Peppa Pig collection, valued at $40 – just in time to celebrate Easter and the holiday season! Check out even more new and exciting products now instore at www.Bigw.com.au. For more info, visit peppapig.com.au I facebook.com/officialpeppapig.au

For your chance to win ~

  • Peppa Pig Wooden Dominoes valued at $16.99
  • Peppa Backpack valued at $19.99

Peppa Pig Easter Treat (Easter product may vary)

Please follow the prompts below, and leave a comment “What activities do you and your children enjoy on the school holidays?”

Competition closes 12am EDST on the 25th of March 2014.

Good Luck!

 

Sand Play {Bonus Peppa Pig Giveaway}

I don’t mean to alarm anyone, but the Easter School Holidays are mere weeks away. In previous years, I’ve not really been affected. Milla was home all day, every day, 365 days of the year. However, this year is different. Milla has started Early Intervention, 3 year old kinder and we have our special needs play/support group. All of which break for the school holidays… See where I’m going with this?!

In preparation for two weeks at home, in Melbourne, where the weather is perfect one day, torrential rain the next, Milla and I have been playing with an activity which is crazy easy to put together, once you have the basics.

Sand Play.

I know right, sooo simple. Because I like to buy new things (!) I bought a fancy tray with a lid, and a toolbox to keep all the odds and ends together, but seriously, a $2 cat litter tray from the supermarket and some empty marg containers would do the exact same job. Add a bag of play sand from the local hardware shop, and you’re good to go. (make sure it is play sand as building sand is treated with different chemicals) Everything else we found around the house.

The thing I love about this activity, is that it’s so versatile. Have some toy animals? It’s a jungle!

Have some blocks, toy cars and doll house (or lego) people? It’s a city!

If the weather is nice, it can be lead into with a treasure hunt outside; feathers, rocks, gravel, shells, gumnuts. A little mini beast world (in my house with very, very fake ‘mini beasts’, but if real bugs are your thing, go for it!) or, as Milla created today, a little fairy village.

It’s an activity that is literally as limitless as your imagination.

Because my head is constantly in ‘early intervention’ mode, I also love that it can be used as a developmental tool. Playing along side Milla, I see her enjoying the sensory experience of touching the sand, both wet and dry. She runs dry sand through her fingers, so it ‘rains’ on the animals. She builds sand castles with the wet sand for the fairies to live in.

We ‘role play’ with the little people; working on language, social skills and imagination.

The other day, Milla decided to have a tea party, and made cakes and pancakes with the wet sand, and poured cups of tea with the dry sand.

You could add cups and jugs, to do pouring and measuring (early maths skills anyone?) or little toy diggers and bulldozers to make a construction site. There are probably a million other ideas that I haven’t even thought of yet! I have a feeling Pinterest will be getting a workout these holidays…

Never fear, if you are still looking for ideas to keep the little  darlings happy for the holidays, Peppa Pig would love to help…

No? You don’t want to send the kids out to jump in muddy puddles?

In that case, you may prefer to enter this giveaway instead

Peppa is a lovable, cheeky little piggy who lives with her younger brother George, Mummy Pig and Daddy Pig. Peppa loves playing games, dressing up, visiting exciting places and making new friends, but her absolutely favourite thing is jumping up and down in muddy puddles. Her adventures always end happily with loud snorts of laughter. Here’s your chance to win the ultimate Peppa Pig collection, valued at $40 – just in time to celebrate Easter and the holiday season! Check out even more new and exciting products now instore at www.Bigw.com.au. For more info, visit peppapig.com.au I facebook.com/officialpeppapig.au

For your chance to win ~

  • Peppa Pig Wooden Dominoes valued at $16.99
  • Peppa Backpack valued at $19.99

Peppa Pig Easter Treat (Easter product may vary)

Please follow the prompts below, and leave a comment “What activities do you and your children enjoy on the school holidays?”

Competition closes 12am EDST on the 25th of March 2014.

Good Luck!

I’m horrified. You should be too.

Warning- This post contains images that readers may find disturbing.

Something happened in the last week. Something shocking, horrifying, beyond comprehension.

If you were to read the newspapers, or watch mainstream news broadcasts, you may think I’m referring to the Essendon football club drug ‘scandal’. After all, that has been making headlines not just in the last week, but for months. Apparently a decision was made this week, normal TV programing was interrupted for breaking press conferences and special edition sports programs. It was the leading story on all news bulletins. Front page of the newspapers.

Or perhaps, if you had a quick look at social media, you may think I’m referring to Miley Cyrus’s performance at the VMA awards? That certainly got people talking; my news feed has been flooded with photos and video of her performance, everyone has an opinion on that particular ‘issue’.

If you are a regular reader of blogs, as I am, you may be wracking your brain, to try and think of what hot topics have been written about in the past week. The recent crop of posts doing the rounds have been debating the merits of posting make-up free ‘selfies’ on social media. Lots of discussion around that issue has been going on in the ‘blogosphere’.

Image credit- dailymail.co.uk
Image credit- dailymail.co.uk

Last week, in the early hours of the 21st of August, it was reported that rockets with toxic agents were launched at the Ghouta region of Syria, killing up to 1000 civilians, including many children. Syria has been in a state of civil war since 2011, and President Bashar al-Assad’s government forces has been accused of carrying out the attack, although this has yet to be confirmed.

So, to reiterate, up to  one thousand people; men, women and children, have been murdered by a chemical weapon attack, possibly carried out by their own government. There is footage of people dying. They are suffocating on poisonous gas, convulsing, foaming at the mouth and nose.

Image credit- dailymail.co.uk
Image credit- dailymail.co.uk

UN weapons inspectors are currently investigating what exactly happened, and who was behind it. The USA, UK and France are considering a military strike against Syria. Russia and China are allies of Syria, and are strongly opposing any military action.

Image credit- dailymail.co.uk
Image credit- dailymail.co.uk

Why is no body talking about this? Why is this not headlining every news bulletin and on the front of every newspaper? When did sport become more newsworthy than crimes against humanity? Why is there more collective outrage about a pop star dirty dancing on stage then a government murdering its own citizens?

Truth be told, I am sickened. Not just by the horror that is happening over in Syria, but also the horror at our apathy towards these attacks, our apathy about the death of men, women and children; poisoned, allegedly by their own government. I’m sickened by our media, who think it’s more important to report on sport or entertainment. I’m sickened at the lack of social commentary on an issue of such grave importance.

It is time to start talking about this. It is time to demand that the media stop treating us like shallow, small minded simpletons. It is time to stop being outraged by TV performances, video clips, song lyrics, and be outraged about things that really matter, things that are affecting humanity, not just our precious sensibilities.

Please. It’s time to wake up and pay attention.

About Me Q&A

I was tagged by the lovely Lisa at Two Point Five Kids to answer the following 25 questions “About Me” ~

1. Where were you born? I was born in Box Hill, Melbourne Australia in 1980.

2. Were you named after someone? No. My mum had chosen either the name “Prudence” or “Melody”, however straight after my birth, when she was still groggy, my father convinced her to name me Jane. I also don’t have a middle name, as he said that everybody hates their middle name.

3. If you have children, how many do you have? I have a two year old daughter called Milla, and twin angels in Heaven.

Milla4. How many pets do you have? I have a cat named Star who was born on the first day of the new Millennium, 01/01/00. When I actually used to go out for New Years, I would always ring the house and sing Happy Birthday to her on the answering machine after midnight.

Star5. What was your worst injury? A few years ago I managed to get a stress fracture in my left foot and my right ankle, playing on the Wii Fit. I’m fairly sure even the Dr was laughing at me behind my back…!

6. Do you have a special talent?  I have been wracking my mind for ages over this one, I really don’t think I do! Best get working on that…

7. What’s your favourite thing to bake? I’m sorry? What is this ‘bake’ you speak of?  ;)

8. Favourite Fast Food? Macca’s chips.

9.Would you bungee jump? No, but I would LOVE to jump out of a plane one day.

10.What’s the first thing you notice about people? Their facial expression. Whether they are smiling, make eye contact etc.

11.When was the last time you cried? Yesterday. I let someone upset me, when I should have just walked away. Live and learn.

12.Any current worries? A lot. Mostly around my daughter, and how she is developing and what her future will hold. Money, or lack thereof. And right this minute, that strange banging coming from Milla’s room where she is supposed to be ‘resting’….??

13.Name three drinks you drink regularly. Coffee, coke zero and wine.

14.What’s your favourite book? The Bronze Horseman by Paullina Simons. READ IT! Trust me ;)

15. Would you like to be a Pirate? Only if I could be Jack Sparrows pirate wench.

16. Favourite Smells? My favourite perfume is Ralph by Ralph Lauren. Body butters ~ coconut or mango, as they remind me of Summer.

17. Why do you blog? A lot of the time I honestly don’t know. It helps me get all the crazy out of my head, and make sense of what I’m feeling. I still wonder if it’s narcissistic of me to expect other people to care enough to read it though.

18.What song do you want played at your funeral? Queen – Another One Bites The Dust. Or maybe Bee Gees – Stayin’ Alive  Either/Or ;)

19.What’s your least favourite thing about yourself? My huge, sticky out ears and my ‘mummy tummy’. It used to be my teeth, but I got veneers just before I found out I was pregnant, (like literally the day before!) I can finally smile in photos without having to photoshop them afterwards!

20.Favourite hobby? Is Facebook a hobby??

21. What do you look for in a friend? A wicked sense of humour, compassionate, honest, loyal and the ability to take the piss out of themselves when necessary

22. Name something that you have done that you never thought you would? Getting married twice. When I was little I always had the romantic image of growing up, getting married, having children and living happily ever after. My first marriage was a huge mistake, and I carried the shame of being divorced before I was even 30 years old for a long time. Now though,  I am married to my soul-mate, and for the first time in my life, understand how a healthy, equal relationship should feel.

23. Favourite fun thing to do? Going to the beach.

Beach

24.Any pet peeves? People who write in ‘text talk’. People who take photos of their food, then share them all over social media. People who don’t have manners.

25. What’s the last thing that made you laugh? Milla ‘potty training’ her toy chicken…

Now, the rules are that I am supposed to tag 25 other blogs to answer the same questions, but that is a LOT! So I’m just going to tag a few of the blogs I enjoy reading ~

Kate Says Stuff

Neenish Arts

Twinkle In The Eye

Redcliffe Style

Veggie Mamma

Home Life Simplified

(Please don’t feel obligated to join in, only if you want to and have the time)

PS. Have you entered the Stuck On You Giveaway on the blog? Entries close Friday night, so be quick! xx

I Hate My Body.

I hate my body. Not because it’s fat and not because it’s thin. Not because it’s fast and not because it’s slow. Not because it’s strong, and not because it’s weak.

I hate my body because of what it can’t do, not because of what it can. This body cannot carry another baby. This body cannot carry life without the risk of taking the quality of mine. And more importantly, the quality of my daughters mother. The quality of my husbands wife. I know this. I accept this.

Except I don’t. Except sometimes I’m ‘late’, and I entertain a fantasy. A fantasy that I’m pregnant, and it’s OK, it’s meant to be. That I have another chance to feel my stomach swell, to feel the kicks, to feel life, squirming inside of me. That I wont go blind, that my body will not fail me. That my daughter will get a brother or sister, my husband will get another daughter or a son. That I will get another chance. That it will all work out just fine.

Except it doesn’t. Because I’m not pregnant. Because I can’t be. Because chances are it wont be OK. Chances are I would go blind. So I think, when I realise that I am not accidentally pregnant, I am supposed to be relieved.

Except I’m not.

dress1-166x300
The very last time.

Listmania Link-up ~ Currently I am.

This year I am going to (try) and link up with Deb from Home Life Simplified for “Listmania” every Monday.

list mania

Here is the first one ~ Currently I am.

Reading: Reading

Listening to:  The Wiggles, Justine Clark, Hi5… Very sophisticated tastes we have here!

Laughing at:  This crazy kid.Laughing

Swooning over: A Dyson vacuum. Any Dyson vacuum. I want one! I promise I will actually use it!!!

Planning:Life-is-what-happens-john-lennon-quote

Eating lots of: More like drinking… on the meal replacement shake ‘diet’ again. It wont last.

Feeling: So very tired! Little miss is waking through the night, up for the day before sunrise, and has given up her day sleep. The less sleep she has, the more I need!

Discovering: New friends, after sharing how lonely I am.

Looking at: Literally.Looking at.

Wearing: The “Summer in Australia” uniform ~ Shorts, singlet and thongs!

Cooking: Not a lot. Hubby and I on shake diet, and Milla is refusing to eat anything except for cold baked beans at the moment. Oh, the joy of a fussy toddler!

Wondering: What the new year will bring. When will we get started with early intervention? How will it help Milla?

Trying out: This week I am visiting a child care centre, to possibly ‘try out’ Milla one day a week in care. Both for her stimulation and a little break for me.

That’s what I’m currently doing. How about you?

Everything I ever wanted, yet still not quite enough.

I have everything I ever wanted. An amazing husband, and a beautiful daughter; my own little family who love me. Yet somehow, it is not quite enough.

I haven’t had a conversation with anyone apart from my husband for a week. And that was just a quick conversation with my mum at midnight to wish her a happy new year.

I am so desperately lonely. I spend 12+ hours a day with a two year old with limited language. I spend the majority of my day feeling like I am endlessly bashing my head against a brick wall.

I had this image of what life would be like as a mother. I imagined spending time with other mothers, our children playing together, as we had a coffee and compared notes on children, husbands, life, blah blah, blah. I did not picture staring at my daughter at 10am and thinking, “what the fuck do I do for the next 10 hours?” Admittedly I did not expect that pregnancy would rob me of my ability to drive. I also did not expect my not having the ability to drive to rob me of my friendships.

Yet here I am. Truth be told, I have no ‘in real life’ friends. Not friends that I see regularly, speak to regularly, friends that I would call and say “I am not coping today”.

Monday rolls around, and I take a deep breath and brace myself. For 12 hours a day, 5 days a week, just me and a two year old. Just me and my daughter, who I love to the moon and back, but who doesn’t understand me, and who I struggle to understand. Who, as newly diagnosed as autistic, has yet to learn how to interact with me, and I with her. Who, quite frankly is a toddler, and really, who can survive on just the company of a toddler, autistic or not?

I have everything I ever wanted, yet I want more. I need more. I need to be more than a wife and a mother. I am never alone, yet always lonely.

pier

Finding Jane ~ Part Three

After nearly two years of feeling frumpy, of neglecting myself, of disappearing into the role of a ‘mother’, a ‘wife’, I knew it was time for a change. I owed it to my family; my husband and my daughter, to be the best ‘Me’ I could be. But more importantly, I owed it to myself. Thanks to Justine, from Total Image Solutions, I took the plunge, I put myself out there, and I said “This is not OK. I want to be better than this.”

clothesI made the decision to “Find Jane”. It is a work in progress. Discovering who I am now, post baby, is not going to happen over night, it will take more than a shiny new look. But damn, this shiny new look has given me the confidence I need to start respecting myself again. To remind me that I am more than “Milla’s mum”.

So here we go ~

home

002-136x300
My comfy ‘at home’ clothes.

My comfy ‘at home’ clothes.

Replacing the baggy track pants, and my husbands hoodie!

Jacket ~ Kmart, $15

Singlet ~ Face Off, $7.50

(Already owned the leggings)

clothes2Blazer ~ Target $35.08 (on special, RRP $39.20)

Singlet ~ Face Off $7.50

Jeans ~ Target $25 (on special, RRP $30)

clothes3Cardigan ~ Kmart $15

Shoes ~ Rubi $19.95 (2 pairs for $30)

clothes

Green shirt ~ Target $25.06 (on special, RRP $28.00)

Jeans ~ Target $25 (on special, RRP $30)

clothesSleeveless top ~ Kmart $15

Jeans ~ Kmart $7.00

All in all, I spent $263.40, on a total of fourteen ‘mix and match’ outfits.

clothes(Not shown; a new bra, and two pairs of high waisted knickers)

On Sunday, I went out to the shops with the family. Nothing special, just to pick up Milla’s birthday present of lay buy, and do a bit of grocery shopping. Before my makeover, I would have worn track pants and a hoodie. Embracing the new ‘me’, I wore green pants, a blue shirt, blue shoes, mascara and tinted moisturiser. And, do you know what? I felt great. I don’t think I actually realised how invisible I felt before, until I didn’t feel invisible anymore. I felt like “Me”. I felt like “Jane”. WOW.

To be honest, when I started all this, I really didn’t expect to feel so different. I honestly didn’t realise how crap I felt about myself, until I starting feeling good instead.

I know so many of you have been feeling the same way as me, lost, searching for your identity. I think these posts have received the most feedback of anything I’ve ever written. Believe me when I tell you, that once you start respecting yourself, you will start to realise that you deserve that respect.

Changing what is on the outside, doesn’t necessarily change what is on the inside. One of my favorite quotes, is “Fake it until you make it.” Some things are out of our control. Depression, the “Black Dog”, sometimes these are things we can’t control. But confidence, self esteem, and most importantly self respect, these are all weapons against the negative ‘self talk’ that fuels these issues.

I would like to say a huge thank you to Justine from Total Image Solutions. She has truly helped me to find a style that suits who I am now. Yes, I’m a mother, but I am also still Jane. I can, in all honestly, vouch for her passion and commitment to working with women to rediscover their ‘mojo’, their style, their confidence.

total image solutions

If you are interested in finding out more about the services Justine from Total Image Solutions can provide, you can visit her website www.totalimagesolutions.com.au , ‘like’ Total Image Solutions on Facebook , or give her a call on 0438 271948. Another service that is coming soon to Total Image Solutions is “Girls Night In” where a group of friends can get together and Justine will come to you for a fun and informative styling session. I should have the details of this within the next few days!

If you take nothing else from these posts, please take this ~ You are worth it. You deserve to feel amazing, to feel confident. What do you need to do to feel good about yourself? Do it.  xx